Picture this, in a studio somewhere far, far away:

“We can’t do this John. We’ve only got two verses and a chorus, and the radio’ll never play a song that’s only a minute and a half long.”

“Hmm. What do you think we should do then Paul?”

“Well, we could either write a good middle eight, or there’s always the easy way out.”

“What, you mean a way that’ll let us double the length of the song with no extra songwriting effort? Let’s do it!”

“Yes! Let’s have… an UNNECESSARY KEY CHANGE!”

The lazy way to write lyrics is to repeat the same words six times in the chorus (naming no names, of course). The lazy way to write the tune, on the other hand, is to repeat the chorus itself six times at the end of the song, each time introducing an unnecessary key change, until finally it’s only of interest to canines, or the lead singer from The Darkness.

Thankfully, someone’s watching those layabout transposers, and that someone is the probably pseudonymous ‘Siegfried Baboon’ of the mighty Truck Driver’s Gear Change Hall of Shame. Clunky gear changing is quite an apt metaphor for these musical monstrosities, as you can hear from the copious mp3ed examples the very well-written site provides. And if you thought such luminaries as the Beatles and Cole Porter wouldn’t plumb such depths, think again.

So a plea to any aspiring songwriters out there – just say no to truck driver’s gear changes. Just end the song instead. It’s better for everybody. Especially dogs.

And in other news: well, you would, wouldn’t you?

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