attention

This entry is dedicated to all those who don’t quite think things through.

A note for Conservative politicians. When participating in an otherwise pedestrian debate on the BBC’s charter renewal, do try not to go off on one about a children’s programme, enjoyed by thousands of your constituents’ kids, solely on your knowledge of the games on its tie-in website. It’ll only make you look stupid and get you talked about on Newsround.

A note for garage owners. When a computer programmer phones you asking for a replacement key for his car, please don’t tell him that it costs £23.50 in labour charges ‘just to tap a few codes into our machine’. But if you do, subsequently telling him that the car will first have to be put on a ramp, a few panels removed and wires plugged in will make said programmer a lot happier and groovier about showing you the money.

A note for signmakers. How difficult is this set of events to understand?

  1. Fans steal signs from village made famous by comedy programme
  2. Signmaker offers to replace signs to get some free publi out of the goodness of his heart
  3. Fans steal signs again
  4. Return to step 2, unless signmaker is now bankrupt

Hmm, yes, thought so.

For that matter, a note for comedy scriptwriters. When appropriating mildly obscure (but not that obscure) villages for your own purposes, it helps a bit to check how they’re spelt. This goes double if you want to stand a character next to a fake village sign in the opening titles. Getting it wrong means Welsh-speakers the world over will laugh at your inability to copy words out of a road atlas. It’s two ‘d’s, one ‘f’, Lucas and Walliams: see me at the end.

A note for wibloggers. When compiling lists of this type, do make sure that you have more than four items to begin with, otherwise you’ll look as though you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel by the end of your post. If you’re in this situation yourself, the way out is to blame the end of your ‘tea break’, a concept so fuzzy no one will care to argue with you, even if that break does happen to be at a quarter past six in the evening.

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